a lover keeps flowing

feeling your body on mine,
it fits,
no edges, no line,
melting into one;

you said,
one body, two souls,
a river of love,
feeling how it flows,
in and out,
out and in;

no expectations,
I feel open and free,
light,
enough room where I can be me;

I feel you,
I see you,
you are me,
and I am you,
these feelings seem new;

enjoying every drop of love,
and lust,
finally, I'm getting enough
touch,
touch my soul,
letting go,
no control;

a dance, a game,
art, our love,
it won't be a shame,
even if it will go away,
because, my love,
the moment, the connection, the memory,
this is what will stay.

I feel like waking up,
discovering a part of me,
what is hidden in that cup,
that I don't even know myself,
show me, wake me up;

the flower starts to bloom,
every time,
it opens up, so bright, beautiful and new,
fresh and pure,
young energy gets free and loose;

I don't lose myself,
I create something new,
a side in me,
which I see through you;

you are a bridge,
the connection,
you open doors,
so much attraction,
let new wind come in;

the universe I find in me,
so colorful,
so free,

thank you,
for opening doors,
for building bridges,
for giving me space,
showing me rooms,
caring for my garden,
thank you for love,
for the light,
for the colours,
thank you for the moments,
for the mountains,
for the river,
for the water,
for the flow,

we are the flame,
we are the earth,
we create air,
and in the water we flow.

dear lover,
I thank you,
in deep gratitude,
I thank you with every cell of my body,
for stepping into my life,
showing me myself,
showing me yourself,
no matter how long our paths are melting,
I am thankful for what has already been,
what might there be to come,
fire works, explosions,
falling, letting go,
coming home,

slowly we are growing,
caring for the seed between us,
slowly,
we keep flowing,
learning, what love is showing.

now, the universe is opening up,
and is showing spheres,
I couldn't have dreamed of.

I did not see that coming,
but how it is with surprises,
when I feel my whole body humming,
I know it's right,
I know it's good.

and for the first time,
I feel like I don't want to own you,
I don't want to keep you just for myself,
because spending time with such a man,
you know, is pure wealth,
pure pleasure;

I love the way I learn with you,
love the way I turn into,
the woman I am,
the person I longed to be,
my soul evolving free;

letting lose the dragon,
the fire,
the wolf slumbering in my yoni and heart;
my passion drawing in singing,
pure art;

the words to describe what is happening in me,
need yet to grow,
but already I know,
the story will be long,
truthful, like a song;

kinky and naughty,
playing,
like only children can do, 
let out the man,
the woman in you,
find your path,
hear your song,
and then,
with all your power,
sing it along;

sing with me,
the song of my soul,
the song of my heart,
I'll sing with you,
the song of your soul,
the song of your heart,
come on, lets start,
melting
and exploring the world,
that is opening up,
lets discover,
what is really hidden in that cup;


thank you,
for you.
thank you,
for me.



VZ
12/11/17

Herbstgeister

Wie die Blätter von den Bäumen
fallen mir die Schuppen von den Augen,
die Schönheit dieser Welt,
ich kann es doch kaum glauben.
So groß das Herz,
von jedem Menschen ist,
schau genau hin,
das du es nicht misst.
In Vertrauen,
treiben wir umher,
auf der Welle des Lebens reiten,
fällt dann nicht mehr schwer.
Vertrauen zu dir selbst,
und allem um dich rum,
hält dich sicher und warm,
da bleibt sogar das Ego stumm.
Geht dir nun doch,
die Mitte verloren,
kommen die Geister hoch,
Dämonen und Drachen werden geboren.
Verstimmen dein Gemüht,
nehmen dein Herz ein,
und flüstern dir Dinge ins Ohr,
lassen dich nicht dich selbst sein.
Da pass auf,
gibt acht und halt inne,
erkenne die Muster,
und stopp die böse Stimme.
Du hast die Macht,
du die Energie,
es ist dein Geist,
du weißt genau wie.
Du die Stimmen verstummst,
die Geister vertreibst,
mit Hilfe ganz rasch,
du nicht hier bleibst.
Wieder fliegen lernst,
ja doch so frei,
du weißt wie es geht,
spread your wings and fly.


18.10.17 ValZahya

Clara Luzia - Colours

dancing with Lua, hope I'll find a group to dance with here in Berlin like the one I had back there with Lua. Movement, body, mind. -repeat-

from Vienna to peace - time travelling

I'm thinking about my life two years ago, I was still living in St.Pölten with my parents and started graphic design, but was about to move to vienna. First time not living with my or host parents, a very exciting time. The flat back than in the 'big' city seemed full of possibilites, and so did the rest of my life. I started being part of a vegan food coop, being politically active with 'Südwind', a small NGO.
I also had dear locks back than, short blond ones. My room was originally the living room of the flat, super big with my own wood stove in it and the second door to the front balcony. We had two balconies all together. I was living there with Magdalena, a women I met at a festival in the town I come from and we tramped to my first rainbow in romania together.
We were about to incorporate the 'free store', with the concept of people bringing us stuff they didn't need anymore, mostly clothing and a few books called 'nebenan' which means translated something like next door. I was only meant to do the graphic design but ended up being in the core team. It was only the three of us, Magdalena,  Elisabeth (a social worker in her sixties who worked an that area of vienna and me. In the free shop we also had a jam session, movie nights called 'capitalism and cake', meditation courses and even an exhibition.

Looking back I realize how many things I've already done in my life, I'm excited what is about to come next. You know, by now I'm certain that life is full of miracles.
Today one of my new bosses in the organic store told me that what she is doing, trying to change the working schedule so I only have to do one morning shift per week, she would not do for everyone. She is very happy to have me in the team, me being a good extension, and she is very satisfied with the way I work. That is a huge compliment for me and I certainly take does kind words not for granted. I do my best, I'm trying all the time to do and give my best. And most of the times I love what I do.

I'm very content with my self and also my life around me, I have the honor to live with five amazing women, in a castle right in the middle of Berlin, Kreuzberg. I go to a very good school, intensive but for me at the moment a great place to learn, diving into divine pools of knowledge every time I go there. Slowly I make friends, building some deep relationships around me, and a cycle of friends, a net to carry and be carried in. Having enough time to work with myself, going through processes every week. Sometimes stumbling from one crazy event and story to the next one. Life is exciting and funny, nearly every day I'm blown away by the out-of-mind-things that occur.
With my hair, my mind grows and I'm following my spiritual path. Two weeks ago I started to occasionally meditate just with and for myself. I sit only for about fifteen minutes every time, but I decided that it is ok that I take small steps.
I get to know patience, and I must admit, it's becoming a good friend of mine. A calmness is finally starting to arrive in my belly, a peaceful place that reminds me that we have all the time in the world, that I don't need to worry or stress. It is going to be ok. It is going to be just fine, maybe even incredible beautiful and breathtaking.

sexy morning rhythms

My day routine is different everyday, so basically I don't have a routine, but whatever I do, there are things I love about each one of them. When I'm working I get up at 4 o'clock in the morning (or night however you may see it) and practice some yoga, get dressed and head to work. It is only a few minutes away on foot, I have some more time to wake up.
Then I follow the list of things I have to do, turn on the light, coffee machine, unpack the deliveries, put I price on them, check if anything is out of date and slipped through the other attentive eyes of my colleges. I really enjoy the part when it comes to baking the the croissants and rolls, and then I start making sandwiches. I love preparing food for other people, it does not matter if I know them or not.
While I do that I slurp the foam of the coffee I made myself with oatmilk and eat a still warm chocolate croissant. Not every time but mostly at this point I feel pure happiness.

On other days I like getting up comparatively late, practice yoga, meditate, do rapé and drink a green tea or coffee while working on my computer. When finally my appetite arrives I make myself a yogurt with fruits, nuts, seeds and melasse.

Right now mornings are my favorite time of the day.
But having this striking differences of getting up and going to sleep makes my body and mind completely fucked up and confused. On one day I get up at the same time as I go the bed the next day.
I need to find my way into this, or actually I want to find my way into this.
Getting a rhythm in a non-rhythm lifestyle is challenging, but hey, I love challenges, they make life sexy, right?

wild winds - Love Dharma

So the times are crazy, I feel like my mind is growing in high speed and it just takes time for the rest of myself to adopt to this development.

So from the start, I was reading the book 'Love Dharma- relationship wisdom from buddhist women' (by Geri Larkin)and started to adopting some techniques she describes.
Since I was a child I was looking for a prince to come and be with me, sometimes rescue but basically be there, hold my hand and family celebrations, cuddle and spoon me to fall asleep, go for a walk, travel, kiss, love, have sex, .. everything you expect from a perfect partner. In my teens I had some pretty hard times wishing for someone to be there, because there was nobody. When it comes to possible partners I turn incredibly shy. Alcohol helped, but not a lot to be honest. And thankfully I soon found out that whatever alcohol helps me, it doesn't really weight up to what it does to my mind, body and whole self.
Finally I did have my first real relationship, looking back, I know I was in love but I still don't know what kept me for so long. My guess is that I enjoyed being in a relationship so much that it did not matter to me how me and my expartner felt or if the partnership was still good for the both of us (it was in fact not very healthy on both sides).
Because the thing is that whenever I'm not head over heals in love or in a partnership I am constantly looking for a partner, checking out everyone who would kind of 'fit' and then starting to cross of the list.

To come back to the original story and where I stand now- I came again to the point (of course I've been there before) that my longing for a partner/partnership does not get me anywhere, it just holds me back on every possible level. It's also a spiral I often feel trapped in, not a very comfortable position to be in. I decided to just let it all go. And that's how I'm trying to achieve that:
Every time my expartner or the wish for anyone plops into my head, I feel more core, feel that that desire is not what I actually need, and tell myself to let it go. Then I imagine myself being the strong, powerful, passionate women I am, very often I see myself standing on top of a mountain above a (rain-)forest, as a warrior howling with the wind, a bow on my back, knife at my hip, with a feeling that nothing can  knock me over and that I do not need someone by my side.
Doing this little game over and over again helps me get to this peaceful place easier and quicker every time I do it.

I was practicing this when I was at a party/festival this weekend, and I survived the waves of loneliness and longing very good. Better than I ever have.

I started to meditate for myself a few weeks ago, something that I knew what help me for a long time but never felt quiet enough to really sit down and 'do nothing'. I started to really enjoy the silence in my head, and the little games of letting thoughts go as the travel into my mind. It feels light and flowing and afterwords I have the feeling of being able to manage anything I want to achieve.

Some things I still don't have an answer to, like is the job I have really good for me, not money-wise but for my rhythm, self growth, etc.
Do I really want to live in Berlin?
Why am I not in south america or india?

But for now I am ok with these questions and uncertainties, I can not solve this right now so what can I do about it but let it go.

Oh another funny thing, obviously my Maya sign, the white world bridger, is the sign of letting go, so I am letting go. That's also the name of my first album, I have it tattooed on my wrist and is the first advice I gave most of the times. Well, there are no coincidences.

von offenen Türen

blaue Augen
wie ein Bach
hast mit mitgerissen
mit einem großen Krach

mein Kopf beginnt zu träumen
was mein Herz noch gar nicht weiß
aber genau das
macht solche Geschichten doch so heiß
träumen, wünschen, hoffen
ist die letzte Türe zugetan,
sieh eine neue steht schon offen.


22/09/2017
Valerie Zahya

oder will ich doch meer

ich will mehr,
die Wellen tanzen wild,
Salz liegt in der Luft,
was für ein schönes Bild;

die Sonne steht hoch,
gibt der Erde Kraft,
wir tanken Energie,
fast unglaublich
was sie alles schafft;

wenn sie dann doch untergeht,
ein Tag dem Ende naht,
erhebt sich der Mond
und setzt fort das Himmelsrad;

die Erde wird gedreht,
im Kreis umher,
wir kleine Menschen drehen uns mit
und trotz diesem Wunder
fühlen wir uns oft leer;

doch alles ist da,
nichts ist leer,
pacha mama voll und rein,
ich brauch nicht mehr
und will nicht meer sein.

22/09/2017
Valerie Zahya

a wave comes closer and hits the shore

with you I don't know, I feel;
and all I know is, what I feel is real;
with you my days are filled with joy;
the love, the longing, the passion; oh boy;
with you I feel saver than I ever did;
of the pot of love we just opened the lid;
with you I see all who I am;
the strong, the weak, the bear, the lamb;
with you my heart is open and free;
is this how I wanna be?
with you I feel what love can do;
surprises, every day there is something new;
with you I feel a connection I've never felt before;

a wave comes closer and hits the shore;

with you I felt so heavy, we couldn't get up and fly;
somehow I stopped asking why;
with you I felt like there was a battle to fight;
so hard and strong, it gave me a fright;
with you I felt my dreams coming true;
but maybe it was not the right time, what can we do?
with you I felt like learning and growing;
until the truth of our hearts started showing;
the vision of a child in my belly, so strong;
what if this love and connection is not wrong?
maybe time will come, patience our guidance will show the way;
to a place where we can stay.

13/07/2017
Valerie Zahya